About
A Bit About Me
I started my scuba diving journey in 2021 and so far, have completed over 100 dives with Advanced Open Water and Rescue Diver certifications under my belt. I once thought that when I get to 100 dives or have completed my Rescue Diver, I would no longer be anxious about diving. Yet, I found myself still getting pre-dive anxiety, with some days worse than others. The good news? The intensity of the physical symptoms I feel are less. But I dream of the day when I wake up feeling excited rather than nervous with a side of racing heart, shallow breaths, and butterflies in my stomach.
My husband and I love to travel – we’ve been to 7 continents and 66 countries (and counting). Anxiety tags along too, sometimes convincing me to stay within the comfort of the hotel room instead of exploring, or to skip activities I know I’ll later regret. It shapes our adventures, but we’ve found ways to work around it. And thankfully my partner also gently pulls me out of my comfort zone – by this I mean he books activities telling me that he’s doing it and, knowing my fear of missing out is far greater than my anxiety, wait for me to make the last-minute decision to join.
At home in Australia, we share our space with three rescue cats – two scaredy-cats and one social but sassy troublemaker. They’ve had their fair share of adversity, and moving country from Dubai to Perth has not been easy for them. But they’ve managed to bounce back and have been a constant reminder of resilience for me.
100+ Dives
67 Countries
3 Cats
My Journey with Anxiety
Anxiety looks different for everyone, and for some it can be completely overwhelming. Mine isn’t debilitating, but it still shapes how I experience the world. It shows up for me as overthinking, self-doubt, trouble speaking or thinking clearly in social settings, a racing heart before I talk in a meeting at work, an upset stomach before an event, and the occasional sleepless night.
I’ve been living with it since my late teens, though I didn’t realise it at the time. One of the earliest moments I remember was in a shopping centre—I suddenly felt overwhelmed and just wanted to go home and crawl into a hole. That feeling has crept up from time to time since.
At university, I’d eat lunch in my car. The idea of sitting alone with a sandwich in the cafeteria or on the lawn was overwhelming. These days, I can proudly eat solo in the food court of the world’s largest shopping mall. But, still, at work functions my hand often shakes when I eat. I’ve mastered the art of hiding it – unless it’s soup. No matter how much I may want soup, I’d often pass on it…just in case.
I’ve been driving for almost two decades, but it still gets to me. Driving to familiar places is fine, but driving with others or to somewhere new triggers my anxiety. I’ve often taken a taxi just to avoid it. If I have to drive, I’ll run through every excuse in my head—only to end up doing it anyway. But once I’m driving, I’m fine. It’s the same with scuba diving—once I’m underwater, I love it. It’s just the lead-up that drains me.
Anxiety has shaped many parts of my life (and my partner’s). Over the years, I’ve sought help – the act itself has not been easy. And I’ve made progress, although sometimes it’s been one step forward and two steps back. And talking openly about it has taken longer. It was only recently that I opened up to a few close friends, and creating this space is another step in that direction.
In my blogs, I share in more detail the thoughts and feelings I go through and the impact it’s had, but hopefully these snippets give you a small sense of my world.
